Washington, D.C. — In an unprecedented political spectacle, President Donald Trump is expected to address the House GOP today, rallying support for his latest legislative brainchild, the “One Big Beautiful Bill Act.” This bill, which recently squeaked through a House committee vote, promises not only sweeping tax cuts but also a free golf cart for every American citizen.
The bill, which Trump has hailed as a “game-changer for America and golf courses everywhere,” narrowly edged through a committee vote by a margin of one. Trump emphasized the urgency of its passage, stating that failure to do so would result in a catastrophic tax increase and a severe shortage of golf carts nationwide. “This bill is not just about taxes,” Trump declared emphatically. “It’s about giving every American the freedom to travel in style on the greenest greens this country has to offer.”
In a high-stakes call with Russian President Vladimir Putin on Monday, Trump reportedly discussed potential diplomatic efforts to end the war in Ukraine. While the details of the conversation remain vague, sources close to the White House suggest that Trump proposed sending a fleet of specially designed golf carts to the contested regions. “These golf carts won’t just be for recreation,” Trump insisted. “They’ll be equipped with state-of-the-art diplomacy kits, which include unlimited tee times and all-you-can-eat buffets.”
President Trump also made headlines at a law enforcement event on May 19, 2025, where he showcased a prototype of the “law enforcement edition” golf cart, fully equipped with flashing lights and sirens. “These carts are not just for leisure,” Trump announced. “They’re for keeping our streets safe and our disturbances of the peace silent.”
The response from the House GOP has been a mix of incredulity and cautious optimism. Representative Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) was quoted as saying, “While the idea of a national fleet of golf carts is certainly… innovative, we must consider the logistical challenges and environmental impact. But hey, free golf carts! Who can say no to that?”
White House officials have leaked that the golf carts will be manufactured in a top-secret facility beneath Mar-a-Lago, ensuring that the highest standards of luxury and golfing efficiency are met. Trump himself has assured the nation that the project will be completed on time and under budget, noting that “even if it goes over budget, it’s still a better deal than building a wall.”
Trump’s bold proposal has sparked media frenzy and societal debate, further polarizing the political landscape. Political analysts are divided on whether the bill is a stroke of genius or a symptom of delirium, but one thing is clear: it has America talking, tweeting, and teeing off.
This article is satirical and does not reflect real events, people, or statements.