Mar-a-Lago, FL – In a move that sent shockwaves through both the political and automotive worlds, former President Donald J. Trump has announced that he is purchasing a Tesla—not because he’s suddenly fallen in love with electric vehicles, but because he wants to support his “great friend” Elon Musk in the face of what he calls an “illegal boycott” against the EV maker. However, the deal comes with a few, let’s say, very Trumpian conditions.
According to sources inside Mar-a-Lago, Trump’s Tesla must include a 24-karat gold steering wheel, diamond-encrusted pedals, and a horn that plays a loop of him saying, “We will make America great again, believe me!” Instead of the standard autopilot system, Trump is demanding a special “Trump Force One” mode—which reportedly overrides all traffic laws, lets the car cut in front of other drivers at will, and automatically tweets insults at any vehicle that dares to overtake it.
“Look, I don’t do normal cars,” Trump said at a recent rally. “A regular Tesla? Not impressive. Boring! But a Tesla with my name on it? Now that’s the greatest car in the world. Maybe ever.”
The “Truth Social” Dashboard—No Fake News Allowed
But that’s not all. Trump has also insisted that his Tesla be equipped with a custom Truth Social dashboard, which completely replaces Google Maps and Spotify. Instead of turn-by-turn navigation, the system will display “TRUMP WON” in all directions, ensuring he never has to acknowledge any roads leading to liberal states. Additionally, instead of the usual Tesla entertainment features, his version will exclusively stream Trump speeches, Fox News clips from 2016, and a never-ending playlist of Lee Greenwood’s God Bless the U.S.A.
A Message to Tesla’s Stockholders—And DeSantis
Of course, this isn’t just about luxury. Trump is positioning himself as Musk’s biggest supporter, claiming that Democrats and the “fake news media” are trying to sabotage Tesla because Musk is too “pro-free speech” and “not woke.” He even went as far as to declare that Tesla stock will “go through the roof” the moment he sits in the driver’s seat.
“Tesla is being attacked, folks. Unfairly! They’re trying to cancel Elon because he believes in freedom. But guess what? I’m buying a Tesla, and that means every patriot in America should buy one too. The stock will skyrocket. The haters will cry. And sleepy Ron DeSanctimonious? He’ll be driving a Prius like a total loser.”
Musk’s Reaction: “We’ll See”
Elon Musk, known for his unpredictable Twitter fingers, responded with a cryptic tweet: “We’ll see.” While Musk has shown admiration for Trump in the past, insiders say he is “mildly terrified” that Trump’s demands could turn Tesla’s sleek, futuristic brand into something resembling a gold-plated Atlantic City casino on wheels.
Still, it seems Musk is at least considering the modifications. In a leaked email, Tesla engineers have allegedly begun prototyping a “MAGA Mode” that permanently disables the windshield wipers (because Trump doesn’t believe in rain), ensures the car never stops at “fake news” CNN headquarters, and plays a patriotic eagle screech every time the car accelerates past a Toyota Prius.
The Road Ahead: Trump’s Ultimate Test Drive
Will Tesla accept Trump’s extravagant requests? Will we soon see a convoy of gold-trimmed Teslas with “TRUMP FORCE ONE” decals cruising down Florida’s highways? Only time will tell. But one thing is certain: if Trump gets his way, the future of electric vehicles is about to get a whole lot more tremendous.
Stay tuned as we monitor Trump’s Tesla saga. Next up: Will he demand SpaceX rename Mars “Trump Planet” before agreeing to endorse the mission?