Mar-a-Lago, FL – After days of speculation surrounding his mysteriously blue-stained hand, President Donald Trump has finally addressed the issue. While some had theorized it was a result of a bruising handshake or an unexpected medical condition, Trump himself offered a different explanation—coloring.
Speaking from his Mar-a-Lago resort, Trump dismissed concerns, stating that the discoloration was the result of hours spent working on coloring books, an activity he described as “tremendously relaxing” and, in his words, “a lost art that Sleepy Joe would never understand.”
A Passion for Coloring Gone Too Far
Sources close to the former president say Trump has recently taken up coloring as a daily routine, spending long hours filling in pages of customized Trump-themed books. According to one aide, who spoke under condition of anonymity, he has been “completely engrossed” in perfecting his technique.
“He’s very committed,” the aide said. “He doesn’t just color—he presses hard. Really hard. He once snapped a crayon in half out of frustration because he felt the shade of gold wasn’t ‘Trump gold’ enough.”
Those familiar with the situation say Trump has a personalized collection of coloring books, including one featuring all 50 U.S. states, each carefully shaded in red. Another book, titled Great Moments in Trump History, allegedly features illustrations of him single-handedly winning the Revolutionary War and landing on the Moon before Neil Armstrong.
Crayons, Sharpies, and Cheap Chinese Ink
Trump has attributed the blue stain to cheap, low-quality markers, which, according to him, are yet another failure of the Biden administration.
“People don’t know this, but coloring used to be much better in this country,” Trump said. “Now? The markers? Terrible. Cheap ink. The colors bleed everywhere, it’s a disgrace. Back when I was in charge, we had the best colors. Everyone said so. But now? Probably made in China.”
When asked whether he would consider switching to high-quality colored pencils, Trump dismissed the suggestion outright.
“No pencils,” he said. “Too weak. You can’t trust pencils. Markers. Big, strong markers. That’s what I use.”
Doctors Are Baffled
Initially, medical professionals had expressed concern over the unusual discoloration, speculating it could be circulation-related or a reaction to excessive self-tanner application. However, upon learning the true cause, most doctors simply sighed in resignation.
“This is a new one,” said Dr. Emily Cartwright, a dermatologist at Johns Hopkins. “We’ve seen cases of skin discoloration before, but never from… excessive coloring. It’s not medically dangerous, but it is, well, concerning for other reasons.”
Trump, however, remains undeterred.
“The haters say it’s bad, but they’re just jealous,” he said. “Nobody colors like me. Everybody knows that.”
What’s Next?
With his artistic pursuits continuing, Trump is reportedly planning to launch his own line of coloring books and crayons, tentatively titled “Make Coloring Great Again.” His aides claim a special edition ‘Trump Gold’ crayon is already in development, though early testers have noted that it looks suspiciously orange.
At press time, Trump was said to be working on a full-page illustration of Mount Rushmore, carefully adjusting the colors to replace all four presidents with different shades of himself.