Mar-a-Lago, FL – In a shocking new demand, President Donald Trump has announced that he will only approve a Home Alone 2 remake if he is given the lead role, insisting that his original cameo wasn’t long enough to showcase his acting genius.
“Look, folks, let’s be honest. Home Alone 2—a tremendous movie, one of the best. But I was the real star. That little kid? Cute, sure, but totally overrated. Everyone remembers my scene. People still come up to me today, tears in their eyes, saying, ‘Sir, that was the greatest acting we’ve ever seen.’ And they’re right.”
Trump’s Home Alone 2 Director’s Cut: “More Trump, Less Kid”
Trump insists that if Home Alone 2 is ever remade, it should focus entirely on his character, with the film rebranded as “Trump Alone: Lost in New York, Winning in Life.”
In his revised version of the movie, Trump:
✔ Becomes Kevin’s mentor, teaching him how to build a Trump Tower inside the Plaza Hotel.
✔ Evicts the “nasty” hotel staff, calling them “totally unfair and very rude.”
✔ Convinces the burglars to invest in real estate instead of crime.
✔ Ultimately runs for mayor of New York and declares victory before the votes are counted.
“Honestly, Kevin needed me. He was running around, doing all these little traps—very weak. If I had been in charge, none of that would have happened. The burglars? Gone in five minutes. I would’ve built a beautiful, tremendous wall around the hotel. Nobody gets in, nobody gets out. Perfect security.”
Macaulay Culkin Responds
When reached for comment, Home Alone 2 star Macaulay Culkin, now 44, responded:
“Wait… what? He was in that movie? I barely remember that.”
Trump immediately fired back, claiming that Culkin was “jealous” of his legendary performance and that “without me, that movie would’ve made zero dollars.”
Hollywood Officials Are “Deeply Concerned”
Movie executives, visibly exhausted by yet another bizarre Trump demand, released a brief statement:
“We will not be remaking Home Alone 2 with Trump as the lead. Please stop calling us.”
At press time, Trump was reportedly working on a lawsuit to retroactively win the 1993 Oscar for Best Actor, insisting that he was robbed by the Academy and the radical left.